..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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