sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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