My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize