I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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