We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
