The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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