can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
