If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
