he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
