margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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