When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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