My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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