Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
