guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
