her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
