Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it glows. i had to have it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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