At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A bitchslap is in order.
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