I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
