Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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