you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
