You're earring is so big in my mouth
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
