I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
