he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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