and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
