You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
