I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
