bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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