i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i've created a new STD.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
