I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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