The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
