Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
