Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
