addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
