it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
