we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
