so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
