remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
