First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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