he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
