Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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