i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
