ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
