worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
