just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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