Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found the puke drawer
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
