Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.