My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.