Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
