I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
