Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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