Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
