ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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