Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
