Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
