Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pants are for mortals
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
