How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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