I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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