Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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