Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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