you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
