Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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