I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
